Did I Miss Anyone?

Details: Written by Michael Z Williamson; Created: 26 February 2015

With thanks to my fans for many additions:

A man is drowning 50 feet from shore.

┬á

A Republican throws a 25 foot rope and tells the man to swim to it.

┬á

A Democrat throws a 50 foot rope, then drops his end and goes off to help someone else.

┬á

A Libertarian tells the man he'll throw a rope for $20.

┬á

A Socialist complains that the government should have rope throwers stationed around the lake against such an emergency, and America is a third world country for not providing this service.

┬á

A Green laments that the man will die and deserves it since he's polluting the water.┬á Then the Green will demand the lake be off limits so further drownings don't hurt aquatic animals.

┬á

The EPA will agree with the Greens and fine the man's family, then declare the lake a wetland and refuse to allow removal of anything, including his remains.

┬á

A Wahhabist will wait to find out the man's national origin and religion before either cheering his death, or blaming America for failing to save drowning Muslims.

┬á

If the man is black, Al Sharpton will fake a bunch of statistics showing blacks are more likely to drown and this is proof of white dominance and repression.

┬á

A white nationalist will wait to see if the man can get out alone. If not, he'll┬áclaim the man's death is due to inferior genes from other races weakening him.

┬á

A feminist will cheer that a future rape has been prevented.

┬á

A CEO will demand to know why the man wasn't at work and fire him posthumously.

┬á

His insurance company will insist it was a self-inflicted injury and not covered.

┬á

A marijuana activist will insist that if the man had smoked a couple of joints, he wouldn't have been in the lake and would have been fine. Also, pot cures drowning and is better than any medication the government medical conspiracy has devised.

┬á

A homeopath will grab a tube of the water, dilute it 1:10,000 and sell it as a cure for drowning.

┬á

The conspiracy groups will insist the man was killed by the Jewish Banker/Royal Family/FEMA/Bush-0bama conspiracy to keep him from talking.

┬á

Greenpeace will insist the man has "Water privilege" and he should be grateful to live in a nation where it's possible to drown.

┬á

Hashatag activists will share photos of the incident 6 miliion times with #Icantbreathewater and #yesallponds to draw attention to his plight.

┬á

Livestreamers and Youtubers will take video of him drowning, with selfie content to prove they were present.┬á 20% will make duckfaces.

┬á

Crowdsourcers will each send in 4" of some sort of twine, string or rope, and wonder why it wasn't successful with a total of 300 feet.

┬á

Brian Williams will claim to have been present, under fire, while hauling the man in himself.

┬á

Dan Rather will insist that Brian Williams' reports are "fake, but accurate."

┬á

Fox News and Breitbart will report that 0bama's immigration policies led to the man drowning due to the resources being used by illegals.

┬á

A Former Green Beret Seal Marine will explain the proper way to avoid drowning and offer to sell the video for $24.95

┬á

Anti-Vaxxers wil claim the man was in shock induced by the combination of cold water on a metabolism weakened by the MMR vaccine, and not immunizing your kids will let them develop natural immunity to drowning.

The local police will claim they suspected him of cooking meth, which is why they didn't try to save him but did shoot his dog, and congratulate themselves on going home safe at the end of the shift.

┬á

The Bloc Quebecois┬áand La Raza, supported by Occupy, will demand to know why the lake didn't have multilingual warning signs.

Bernie Sanders will Facebook meme that if the man had been at a job paying a $15/hr living wage, he wouldn't have been at the park drowning.

┬á

If the man is a cismale heteronormative straight white Christian male, SJWs will complain about the attention paid to him when thousands of POCGLBTQXYZs drown every day without media coverage.

┬á

An atheist will claim the man's drowning proved the non-existence of a loving god.

┬á

NPR will do a lengthy story interviewing a Georgetown professor about drowning in great works of literature.

┬á

Some asshole will insist it's 15.4 meters and Americans should standardize on 15 meters, not 50 feet.

┬á

History Channel 2 will insist that aliens were behind the drowning.

┬á

MSNBC will insist Republican obstructionism made it impossible for lifeguards to be present, but no one will watch the show anyway.

┬á

Eventually some decent┬áperson who will strip off, dive in and rescue the guy.┬áOnce ashore, they'll┬áfind their wallet, watch, and cellphone stolen, and get arrested for indecent exposure.┬á Then the state will sue them for not being licensed for water rescue.

┬á

His Congressman will introduce "The Safe Parks and Ponds Act" which will cost $5 billion, result in three agencies writing five different safety standards that are resolved after 7 lawsuits reach the Federal courts, but the rider ban on home-farming of turnips will remain.

┬á

A Christian homeschooler will blame secular public education, and make their children study the story of Noah's Ark.

China would issue a statement that the drowned man was violating waters that were their traditional maritime territory.

North Korea issues a statement condemning the drowning as a Capitalist propaganda ploy and claims that every year, a thousand thousand North Koreans drown far more skillfully.

ADDED:

The Charlie Hedbo magazine will print an issue mocking the drowned man in the front page.

Putin would jump into the lake, pose shirtless for pictures, then walk out and order his troops to invade Ukraine.

Hillary would deny that there was such a lake, until confronted about the physical existence of said lake, and then say that drowning in lakes was legal years ago.

Trump would say that there is a drowning man in a lake, and yes, there are a lot of lakes, and let me tell you, the people have spoken and said that we have great lakes, and all over the place, those lakes are the greatest lakes in all of the, let me tell you, everyone has said that they're the best, unlike those people, you know which people, who don't like lakes and are always, of course, you know that we're going to make America great again!

Cheney would shoot the drowning man with a shotgun, and then blame the man for entering a lake during duck hunting season.

Status	Duration
starting	0.06 ms
Executing hook on transaction	0.01 ms
starting	0.01 ms
checking permissions	0.01 ms
Opening tables	0.17 ms
init	0.01 ms
System lock	0.01 ms
optimizing	0.01 ms
statistics	0.03 ms
executing	0.01 ms
end	0.00 ms
query end	0.00 ms
waiting for handler commit	0.01 ms
closing tables	0.01 ms
freeing items	0.02 ms
cleaning up	0.00 ms

#	Caller	File and line number
9	JDatabaseDriverMysqli->execute()	JROOT/libraries/joomla/database/driver.php:1740
8	JDatabaseDriver->loadResult()	JROOT/libraries/src/Session/MetadataManager.php:74
7	Joomla\CMS\Session\MetadataManager->createRecordIfNonExisting()	JROOT/libraries/src/Application/CMSApplication.php:154
6	Joomla\CMS\Application\CMSApplication->checkSession()	JROOT/libraries/src/Application/CMSApplication.php:828
5	Joomla\CMS\Application\CMSApplication->loadSession()	JROOT/libraries/src/Application/CMSApplication.php:136
4	Joomla\CMS\Application\CMSApplication->__construct()	JROOT/libraries/src/Application/SiteApplication.php:66
3	Joomla\CMS\Application\SiteApplication->__construct()	JROOT/libraries/src/Application/CMSApplication.php:386
2	Joomla\CMS\Application\CMSApplication::getInstance()	JROOT/libraries/src/Factory.php:140
1	Joomla\CMS\Factory::getApplication()	JROOT/index.php:46

Status	Duration
starting	0.07 ms
Executing hook on transaction	0.00 ms
starting	0.01 ms
checking permissions	0.00 ms
Opening tables	0.02 ms
init	0.01 ms
System lock	0.01 ms
update	0.17 ms
end	0.00 ms
query end	0.00 ms
waiting for handler commit	2.81 ms
closing tables	0.06 ms
freeing items	0.04 ms
cleaning up	0.01 ms

#	Caller	File and line number
8	JDatabaseDriverMysqli->execute()	JROOT/libraries/src/Session/MetadataManager.php:116
7	Joomla\CMS\Session\MetadataManager->createRecordIfNonExisting()	JROOT/libraries/src/Application/CMSApplication.php:154
6	Joomla\CMS\Application\CMSApplication->checkSession()	JROOT/libraries/src/Application/CMSApplication.php:828
5	Joomla\CMS\Application\CMSApplication->loadSession()	JROOT/libraries/src/Application/CMSApplication.php:136
4	Joomla\CMS\Application\CMSApplication->__construct()	JROOT/libraries/src/Application/SiteApplication.php:66
3	Joomla\CMS\Application\SiteApplication->__construct()	JROOT/libraries/src/Application/CMSApplication.php:386
2	Joomla\CMS\Application\CMSApplication::getInstance()	JROOT/libraries/src/Factory.php:140
1	Joomla\CMS\Factory::getApplication()	JROOT/index.php:46

Status	Duration
starting	0.07 ms
Executing hook on transaction	0.01 ms
starting	0.01 ms
checking permissions	0.01 ms
Opening tables	0.19 ms
init	0.01 ms
System lock	0.01 ms
optimizing	0.01 ms
statistics	0.05 ms
preparing	0.02 ms
executing	0.19 ms
end	0.01 ms
query end	0.00 ms
waiting for handler commit	0.01 ms
closing tables	0.01 ms
freeing items	0.03 ms
cleaning up	0.00 ms

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Time

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Memory Usage

Database Queries

31 Queries Logged 59.44 ms

28 Query Types Logged, Sorted by Occurrences.

SELECT Tables:

OTHER Tables:

#	Caller	File and line number
12	JDatabaseDriverMysqli->execute()	JROOT/libraries/joomla/database/driver.php:1701
11	JDatabaseDriver->loadObjectList()	JROOT/libraries/src/Component/ComponentHelper.php:445
10	Joomla\CMS\Component\ComponentHelper::Joomla\CMS\Component\{closure}()	Same as call in the line below.
9	call_user_func_array()	JROOT/libraries/src/Cache/Controller/CallbackController.php:173
8	Joomla\CMS\Cache\Controller\CallbackController->get()	JROOT/libraries/src/Component/ComponentHelper.php:453
7	Joomla\CMS\Component\ComponentHelper::load()	JROOT/libraries/src/Component/ComponentHelper.php:519
6	Joomla\CMS\Component\ComponentHelper::getComponents()	JROOT/libraries/src/Component/ComponentHelper.php:44
5	Joomla\CMS\Component\ComponentHelper::getComponent()	JROOT/libraries/src/Component/ComponentHelper.php:103
4	Joomla\CMS\Component\ComponentHelper::getParams()	JROOT/libraries/src/Application/SiteApplication.php:594
3	Joomla\CMS\Application\SiteApplication->initialiseApp()	JROOT/libraries/src/Application/SiteApplication.php:212
2	Joomla\CMS\Application\SiteApplication->doExecute()	JROOT/libraries/src/Application/CMSApplication.php:225
1	Joomla\CMS\Application\CMSApplication->execute()	JROOT/index.php:49

#	Caller	File and line number
10	JDatabaseDriverMysqli->execute()	JROOT/libraries/joomla/database/driver.php:1506
9	JDatabaseDriver->loadAssocList()	JROOT/libraries/src/Access/Access.php:1063
8	Joomla\CMS\Access\Access::getAuthorisedViewLevels()	JROOT/libraries/src/User/User.php:458
7	Joomla\CMS\User\User->getAuthorisedViewLevels()	JROOT/libraries/src/Plugin/PluginHelper.php:318
6	Joomla\CMS\Plugin\PluginHelper::load()	JROOT/libraries/src/Plugin/PluginHelper.php:87
5	Joomla\CMS\Plugin\PluginHelper::getPlugin()	JROOT/libraries/src/Plugin/PluginHelper.php:129
4	Joomla\CMS\Plugin\PluginHelper::isEnabled()	JROOT/libraries/src/Application/SiteApplication.php:604
3	Joomla\CMS\Application\SiteApplication->initialiseApp()	JROOT/libraries/src/Application/SiteApplication.php:212
2	Joomla\CMS\Application\SiteApplication->doExecute()	JROOT/libraries/src/Application/CMSApplication.php:225
1	Joomla\CMS\Application\CMSApplication->execute()	JROOT/index.php:49

id	select_type	table	partitions	type	possible_keys	key	key_len	ref	rows	filtered	Extra
1	SIMPLE	a	NULL	const	PRIMARY	PRIMARY	4	const	1	100.00	NULL
1	SIMPLE	b	NULL	range	idx_usergroup_nested_set_lookup	idx_usergroup_nested_set_lookup	4	NULL	2	100.00	Using where; Using index

#	Caller	File and line number
11	JDatabaseDriverMysqli->execute()	JROOT/libraries/joomla/database/driver.php:1550
10	JDatabaseDriver->loadColumn()	JROOT/libraries/src/Access/Access.php:980
9	Joomla\CMS\Access\Access::getGroupsByUser()	JROOT/libraries/src/Access/Access.php:1095
8	Joomla\CMS\Access\Access::getAuthorisedViewLevels()	JROOT/libraries/src/User/User.php:458
7	Joomla\CMS\User\User->getAuthorisedViewLevels()	JROOT/libraries/src/Plugin/PluginHelper.php:318
6	Joomla\CMS\Plugin\PluginHelper::load()	JROOT/libraries/src/Plugin/PluginHelper.php:87
5	Joomla\CMS\Plugin\PluginHelper::getPlugin()	JROOT/libraries/src/Plugin/PluginHelper.php:129
4	Joomla\CMS\Plugin\PluginHelper::isEnabled()	JROOT/libraries/src/Application/SiteApplication.php:604
3	Joomla\CMS\Application\SiteApplication->initialiseApp()	JROOT/libraries/src/Application/SiteApplication.php:212
2	Joomla\CMS\Application\SiteApplication->doExecute()	JROOT/libraries/src/Application/CMSApplication.php:225
1	Joomla\CMS\Application\CMSApplication->execute()	JROOT/index.php:49

#	Caller	File and line number
12	JDatabaseDriverMysqli->execute()	JROOT/libraries/joomla/database/driver.php:1773
11	JDatabaseDriver->loadRow()	JROOT/plugins/system/admintools/feature/urlredir.php:91
10	AtsystemFeatureUrlredir->onAfterInitialise()	JROOT/plugins/system/admintools/admintools/main.php:308
9	plgSystemAdmintools->runFeature()	JROOT/plugins/system/admintools/admintools/main.php:144
8	plgSystemAdmintools->onAfterInitialise()	JROOT/libraries/joomla/event/event.php:70
7	JEvent->update()	JROOT/libraries/joomla/event/dispatcher.php:160
6	JEventDispatcher->trigger()	JROOT/libraries/src/Application/BaseApplication.php:108
5	Joomla\CMS\Application\BaseApplication->triggerEvent()	JROOT/libraries/src/Application/CMSApplication.php:668
4	Joomla\CMS\Application\CMSApplication->initialiseApp()	JROOT/libraries/src/Application/SiteApplication.php:686
3	Joomla\CMS\Application\SiteApplication->initialiseApp()	JROOT/libraries/src/Application/SiteApplication.php:212
2	Joomla\CMS\Application\SiteApplication->doExecute()	JROOT/libraries/src/Application/CMSApplication.php:225
1	Joomla\CMS\Application\CMSApplication->execute()	JROOT/index.php:49

Status	Duration
starting	0.18 ms
Executing hook on transaction	0.01 ms
starting	0.01 ms
checking permissions	0.01 ms
checking permissions	0.01 ms
Opening tables	0.36 ms
init	0.01 ms
System lock	0.01 ms
optimizing	0.01 ms
statistics	0.14 ms
preparing	0.05 ms
executing	0.20 ms
end	0.01 ms
query end	0.00 ms
waiting for handler commit	0.01 ms
closing tables	0.01 ms
freeing items	0.03 ms
cleaning up	0.00 ms

Status	Duration
starting	0.10 ms
Executing hook on transaction	0.01 ms
starting	0.01 ms
checking permissions	0.01 ms
Opening tables	0.05 ms
init	0.01 ms
System lock	0.01 ms
optimizing	0.01 ms
statistics	0.10 ms
preparing	0.02 ms
executing	0.05 ms
end	0.01 ms
query end	0.01 ms
waiting for handler commit	0.01 ms
closing tables	0.01 ms
freeing items	0.03 ms
cleaning up	0.00 ms

#	Caller	File and line number
19	JDatabaseDriverMysqli->execute()	JROOT/libraries/joomla/database/driver.php:1662
18	JDatabaseDriver->loadObject()	JROOT/libraries/src/Helper/LibraryHelper.php:167
17	Joomla\CMS\Helper\LibraryHelper::Joomla\CMS\Helper\{closure}()	Same as call in the line below.
16	call_user_func_array()	JROOT/libraries/src/Cache/Controller/CallbackController.php:173
15	Joomla\CMS\Cache\Controller\CallbackController->get()	JROOT/libraries/src/Helper/LibraryHelper.php:175
14	Joomla\CMS\Helper\LibraryHelper::loadLibrary()	JROOT/libraries/src/Helper/LibraryHelper.php:43
13	Joomla\CMS\Helper\LibraryHelper::getLibrary()	JROOT/libraries/src/Helper/LibraryHelper.php:90
12	Joomla\CMS\Helper\LibraryHelper::getParams()	JROOT/libraries/src/Version.php:321
11	Joomla\CMS\Version->getMediaVersion()	JROOT/libraries/src/Factory.php:778
10	Joomla\CMS\Factory::createDocument()	JROOT/libraries/src/Factory.php:234
9	Joomla\CMS\Factory::getDocument()	JROOT/plugins/system/jcomments/jcomments.php:111
8	plgSystemJComments->onAfterRoute()	JROOT/libraries/joomla/event/event.php:70
7	JEvent->update()	JROOT/libraries/joomla/event/dispatcher.php:160
6	JEventDispatcher->trigger()	JROOT/libraries/src/Application/BaseApplication.php:108
5	Joomla\CMS\Application\BaseApplication->triggerEvent()	JROOT/libraries/src/Application/CMSApplication.php:1190
4	Joomla\CMS\Application\CMSApplication->route()	JROOT/libraries/src/Application/SiteApplication.php:796
3	Joomla\CMS\Application\SiteApplication->route()	JROOT/libraries/src/Application/SiteApplication.php:218
2	Joomla\CMS\Application\SiteApplication->doExecute()	JROOT/libraries/src/Application/CMSApplication.php:225
1	Joomla\CMS\Application\CMSApplication->execute()	JROOT/index.php:49

Status	Duration
starting	0.11 ms
Executing hook on transaction	0.01 ms
starting	0.01 ms
checking permissions	0.01 ms
Opening tables	0.06 ms
init	0.01 ms
System lock	0.13 ms
updating	0.17 ms
end	0.01 ms
query end	0.00 ms
waiting for handler commit	1.20 ms
closing tables	0.06 ms
freeing items	0.05 ms
cleaning up	0.01 ms

#	Caller	File and line number
14	JDatabaseDriverMysqli->execute()	JROOT/libraries/src/Helper/LibraryHelper.php:117
13	Joomla\CMS\Helper\LibraryHelper::saveParams()	JROOT/libraries/src/Version.php:372
12	Joomla\CMS\Version->setMediaVersion()	JROOT/libraries/src/Version.php:331
11	Joomla\CMS\Version->getMediaVersion()	JROOT/libraries/src/Factory.php:778
10	Joomla\CMS\Factory::createDocument()	JROOT/libraries/src/Factory.php:234
9	Joomla\CMS\Factory::getDocument()	JROOT/plugins/system/jcomments/jcomments.php:111
8	plgSystemJComments->onAfterRoute()	JROOT/libraries/joomla/event/event.php:70
7	JEvent->update()	JROOT/libraries/joomla/event/dispatcher.php:160
6	JEventDispatcher->trigger()	JROOT/libraries/src/Application/BaseApplication.php:108
5	Joomla\CMS\Application\BaseApplication->triggerEvent()	JROOT/libraries/src/Application/CMSApplication.php:1190
4	Joomla\CMS\Application\CMSApplication->route()	JROOT/libraries/src/Application/SiteApplication.php:796
3	Joomla\CMS\Application\SiteApplication->route()	JROOT/libraries/src/Application/SiteApplication.php:218
2	Joomla\CMS\Application\SiteApplication->doExecute()	JROOT/libraries/src/Application/CMSApplication.php:225
1	Joomla\CMS\Application\CMSApplication->execute()	JROOT/index.php:49

#	Caller	File and line number
14	JDatabaseDriverMysqli->execute()	JROOT/libraries/joomla/database/driver.php:1740
13	JDatabaseDriver->loadResult()	JROOT/administrator/components/com_admintools/Helper/Storage.php:122
12	Akeeba\AdminTools\Admin\Helper\Storage->load()	JROOT/administrator/components/com_admintools/Helper/Storage.php:37
11	Akeeba\AdminTools\Admin\Helper\Storage->__construct()	JROOT/administrator/components/com_admintools/Helper/Storage.php:49
10	Akeeba\AdminTools\Admin\Helper\Storage::getInstance()	JROOT/plugins/system/admintools/admintools/main.php:409
9	plgSystemAdmintools->loadComponentParameters()	JROOT/plugins/system/admintools/admintools/main.php:892
8	plgSystemAdmintools->initialize()	JROOT/plugins/system/admintools/admintools/main.php:84
7	plgSystemAdmintools->__construct()	JROOT/libraries/src/Plugin/PluginHelper.php:280
6	Joomla\CMS\Plugin\PluginHelper::import()	JROOT/libraries/src/Plugin/PluginHelper.php:182
5	Joomla\CMS\Plugin\PluginHelper::importPlugin()	JROOT/libraries/src/Application/CMSApplication.php:667
4	Joomla\CMS\Application\CMSApplication->initialiseApp()	JROOT/libraries/src/Application/SiteApplication.php:686
3	Joomla\CMS\Application\SiteApplication->initialiseApp()	JROOT/libraries/src/Application/SiteApplication.php:212
2	Joomla\CMS\Application\SiteApplication->doExecute()	JROOT/libraries/src/Application/CMSApplication.php:225
1	Joomla\CMS\Application\CMSApplication->execute()	JROOT/index.php:49

id	select_type	table	partitions	type	possible_keys	key	key_len	ref	rows	filtered	Extra
1	SIMPLE	e	NULL	ref	element_clientid,element_folder_clientid,extension	extension	82	const	5	1.00	Using index condition; Using where
1	SIMPLE	s	NULL	ref	idx_template,idx_client_id,idx_client_id_home	idx_template	202	michaelzwilliamson_com.e.element	1	66.67	Using index condition; Using where

Status	Duration
starting	0.09 ms
Executing hook on transaction	0.01 ms
starting	0.01 ms
checking permissions	0.01 ms
Opening tables	0.33 ms
init	0.01 ms
System lock	0.01 ms
optimizing	0.01 ms
statistics	0.04 ms
preparing	0.04 ms
executing	0.08 ms
end	0.01 ms
query end	0.00 ms
waiting for handler commit	0.01 ms
closing tables	0.01 ms
freeing items	0.02 ms
logging slow query	0.04 ms
cleaning up	0.00 ms

#	Caller	File and line number
11	JDatabaseDriverMysqli->execute()	JROOT/libraries/src/Table/Table.php:1264
10	Joomla\CMS\Table\Table->hit()	JROOT/components/com_content/models/article.php:254
9	ContentModelArticle->hit()	JROOT/components/com_content/controller.php:113
8	ContentController->display()	JROOT/libraries/src/MVC/Controller/BaseController.php:702
7	Joomla\CMS\MVC\Controller\BaseController->execute()	JROOT/components/com_content/content.php:43
6	require_once JROOT/components/com_content/content.php	JROOT/libraries/src/Component/ComponentHelper.php:402
5	Joomla\CMS\Component\ComponentHelper::executeComponent()	JROOT/libraries/src/Component/ComponentHelper.php:377
4	Joomla\CMS\Component\ComponentHelper::renderComponent()	JROOT/libraries/src/Application/SiteApplication.php:194
3	Joomla\CMS\Application\SiteApplication->dispatch()	JROOT/libraries/src/Application/SiteApplication.php:233
2	Joomla\CMS\Application\SiteApplication->doExecute()	JROOT/libraries/src/Application/CMSApplication.php:225
1	Joomla\CMS\Application\CMSApplication->execute()	JROOT/index.php:49

Status	Duration
starting	0.23 ms
Executing hook on transaction	0.01 ms
starting	0.01 ms
checking permissions	0.01 ms
checking permissions	0.00 ms
checking permissions	0.01 ms
checking permissions	0.00 ms
checking permissions	0.01 ms
Opening tables	0.66 ms
init	0.01 ms
System lock	0.01 ms
optimizing	0.04 ms
statistics	0.22 ms
preparing	0.03 ms
executing	0.12 ms
end	0.01 ms
query end	0.01 ms
waiting for handler commit	0.01 ms
closing tables	0.02 ms
freeing items	0.03 ms
cleaning up	0.01 ms

id	select_type	table	partitions	type	possible_keys	key	key_len	ref	rows	filtered	Extra
1	SIMPLE	m	NULL	ALL	idx_tag_type	NO INDEX KEY COULD BE USED	NULL	NULL	1	100.00	Using where
1	SIMPLE	t	NULL	eq_ref	PRIMARY,tag_idx,idx_access	PRIMARY	4	michaelzwilliamson_com.m.tag_id	1	100.00	Using where

id	select_type	table	partitions	type	possible_keys	key	key_len	ref	rows	filtered	Extra
1	SIMPLE	a	NULL	ref	idx_state,idx_access,idx_context	idx_state	1	const	1	100.00	Using where; Using temporary; Using filesort
1	SIMPLE	l	NULL	eq_ref	idx_langcode	idx_langcode	28	michaelzwilliamson_com.a.language	1	100.00	Using where
1	SIMPLE	uc	NULL	eq_ref	PRIMARY	PRIMARY	4	michaelzwilliamson_com.a.checked_out	1	100.00	NULL
1	SIMPLE	ag	NULL	eq_ref	PRIMARY	PRIMARY	4	michaelzwilliamson_com.a.access	1	100.00	Using where
1	SIMPLE	ua	NULL	eq_ref	PRIMARY	PRIMARY	4	michaelzwilliamson_com.a.created_user_id	1	100.00	Using where
1	SIMPLE	g	NULL	eq_ref	PRIMARY	PRIMARY	4	michaelzwilliamson_com.a.group_id	1	100.00	Using where
1	SIMPLE	fc	NULL	ref	PRIMARY	PRIMARY	4	michaelzwilliamson_com.a.id	1	100.00	Using where; Using index; Distinct

id	select_type	table	partitions	type	possible_keys	key	key_len	ref	rows	filtered	Extra
1	SIMPLE	a	NULL	ref	idx_access,idx_state,idx_catid	idx_catid	4	const	195	16.00	Using where; Using filesort
1	SIMPLE	cc	NULL	const	PRIMARY	PRIMARY	4	const	1	100.00	NULL

id	select_type	table	partitions	type	possible_keys	key	key_len	ref	rows	filtered	Extra
1	SIMPLE	m	NULL	ALL	PRIMARY,published,newsfeeds	NO INDEX KEY COULD BE USED	NULL	NULL	29	3.45	Using where; Using filesort
1	SIMPLE	e	NULL	ref	element_clientid,element_folder_clientid	element_clientid	403	michaelzwilliamson_com.m.module,const	1	10.00	Using index condition; Using where
1	SIMPLE	mm	NULL	ref	PRIMARY	PRIMARY	4	michaelzwilliamson_com.m.id	1	40.00	Using where; Using index

id	select_type	table	partitions	type	possible_keys	key	key_len	ref	rows	filtered	Extra
1	SIMPLE	m	NULL	ALL	idx_tag_type,idx_core_content_id	NO INDEX KEY COULD BE USED	NULL	NULL	1	100.00	Using temporary; Using filesort
1	SIMPLE	t	NULL	eq_ref	PRIMARY,tag_idx,idx_access	PRIMARY	4	michaelzwilliamson_com.m.tag_id	1	100.00	Using where
1	SIMPLE	c	NULL	eq_ref	PRIMARY,tag_idx,idx_access,idx_content_type	PRIMARY	4	michaelzwilliamson_com.m.core_content_id	1	100.00	Using where

Status	Duration
starting	0.30 ms
Executing hook on transaction	0.01 ms
starting	0.01 ms
checking permissions	0.01 ms
checking permissions	0.01 ms
checking permissions	0.01 ms
Opening tables	0.15 ms
init	0.01 ms
System lock	0.01 ms
optimizing	0.04 ms
statistics	0.22 ms
preparing	0.06 ms
optimizing	0.01 ms
statistics	0.05 ms
preparing	0.03 ms
executing	0.20 ms
executing	0.04 ms
executing	0.25 ms
executing	0.85 ms
end	0.01 ms
query end	0.00 ms
waiting for handler commit	0.02 ms
closing tables	0.02 ms
freeing items	0.05 ms
logging slow query	0.05 ms
cleaning up	0.01 ms

Status	Duration
starting	0.37 ms
Executing hook on transaction	0.01 ms
starting	0.01 ms
checking permissions	0.01 ms
checking permissions	0.00 ms
checking permissions	0.00 ms
checking permissions	0.00 ms
checking permissions	0.00 ms
checking permissions	0.00 ms
Opening tables	0.19 ms
init	0.01 ms
System lock	0.02 ms
optimizing	0.04 ms
statistics	0.27 ms
preparing	0.04 ms
Creating tmp table	0.27 ms
executing	7.63 ms
end	0.04 ms
query end	0.01 ms
waiting for handler commit	0.33 ms
closing tables	0.03 ms
freeing items	0.06 ms
logging slow query	0.05 ms
cleaning up	0.01 ms

Status	Duration
starting	0.34 ms
Executing hook on transaction	0.00 ms
starting	0.01 ms
checking permissions	0.00 ms
checking permissions	0.01 ms
checking permissions	0.00 ms
checking permissions	0.00 ms
checking permissions	0.01 ms
checking permissions	0.00 ms
Opening tables	0.14 ms
init	0.01 ms
System lock	0.01 ms
optimizing	0.04 ms
statistics	0.23 ms
preparing	0.04 ms
Creating tmp table	0.24 ms
executing	1.32 ms
end	0.01 ms
query end	0.00 ms
waiting for handler commit	0.02 ms
closing tables	0.02 ms
freeing items	0.03 ms
logging slow query	0.07 ms
cleaning up	0.01 ms