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http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00QZV08SW?ie=UTF8&tag=wwwmichaelzwi-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B00QZV08SW

Flogging my collection of snark, satire, random internet bombs, hurled epithets and commentary.  These are my deliberate misinterpretations, vitriolic comments, puns, anecdotes and thoughts on everything, collected from several years of online posting and content.  Just in time for Christmas for that person you hate.

Eventually, I'll have download direct from the website, and possibly paper copies.

Enjoy. Or not. Doesn't matter.  Just give me money. That's what matters.

And remember:  Hugo Chavez is not a line of clothing. I stand corrected.

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http://www.businessweek.com/articles/2014-12-09/law-students-we-cant-take-exams-because-of-ferguson

If you plan to be a lawyer, you will lose cases, sometimes for stupid reasons, and sometimes because you're wrong. Rarely, innocent men are jailed. Often, guilty men walk.

This is the nature of our adversarial justice system.

I have noted your schools and your graduation years.  Because if a case you're not involved with can cause you to freak out to the point where you flub an exam, you are emotionally immature and will probably be a terrible lawyer.  So I will make sure not to hire anyone from that set to watch my interests.  I can't have you panicking over some case a week ago and a thousand miles away when I need a judgment or a claim. Yes, it's stereotyping all your classmates, but without knowing your individual names, I must assume the odds of getting someone competent are not in my favor. 

Congratulations, you've hindered the ability of your classmates to earn a living.

Stop shitting your panties, you whining little bitches, and harden the fuck up.

PS: Those of you so distressed are all white, middle class liberals, aren't you?

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The Second Amendment has been misinterpreted. It says guns are permitted to a "well-regulated militia." That means trained citizen soldiers called into action for emergencies ΓÇö because in colonial times every able-bodied man was required to be a member of the militia. It does not mean everyone with $50 and a driver's license is entitled to own a gun.
 
Wrong. Title 10 USC, Ch 13, Sec 311.

It would help if you actually understood what you were talking about before opening your ignorant yap.
 
Oh, you might also want to tell the Federal Government of this profound revelation you had.  Apparently, in the National Defense Act of 1916, they created the Civilian Marskmanship Program http://thecmp.org/cmp_sales/ for the purpose of selling SURPLUS BATTLE RIFLES to civilians for the purpose of ensuring they're trained in case of war...as members of the militia.

Every legal opinion for 200 years denied individual gun ownership was a right 

Cite, please.  You won't find any relevant (SCOTUS) rulings to that effect.  You're repeating bleats from Brady, et al, that are unsupported.
 
And even if so, so what?  For a long time, it was held legal for states to have official religions, ban pornography, and ban gays from marrying or even interacting. This isn't the 1790s.  Unless you want to go back to black people being slaves. (You probably do.)
 
ΓÇö until the steady lobbying of the National Rifle Association created a climate that allowed a conservative U.S. Supreme Court in 2008 to strike down a handgun ban in the District of Columbia, and fuel the sense of entitlement of gun owners.
 
The same "conservative" court that upheld Roe v Wade and 0bamacare? Seek therapy, dude. You're paranoid and delusional.
 
You can't prevent mental illness. You can prevent humans from having easy access to tools they can use to harm other people.
 
Yes, that's worked so well in the UK that in 100 years has gone from similar gun laws to the US and 1/12 the murder rate, to very restrictive laws and better than 1/2 the murder rate.
 
Fun fact:  I don't need a gun to club your brains into goo.
 
But if you're obsessed with guns, you'd say something like:
 
 
Among the 24 most affluent nations of the world, the U.S. is the far and away leader in gun homicides. None of the other 23 affluent nations has a rate above 1 firearm death per 100,000 population.
 
Because somehow gun deaths are worse than drunk driving deaths?
 
One of us has an unhealthy obsession with guns.  It isn't me.
 
I'm talking about repealing or amending the Second Amendment to the U.S. Constitution.
 
Sometime about the fifth grade, most of us learned that that process involves both Houses of Congress, and approval of 3/4 of the states.  If you think that is ever going to happen, you need to put down the medical marijuana.
 
The idea of 500 students in a college library or a dozen teachers in an elementary school pulling out guns to shoot a gunman is ludicrous. They would wind up shooting each other.
 
And yet in places where this is legal, this has not happened.  Where in your professional firearms training did you learn this?  You DO have professional training in this field you're masturbating about, right?  Right?
 
Gun freaks say if you take away their guns only outlaws will have guns. That's a chance worth taking. Because if we ban guns, eventually the tide will turn. It might take 10 years or 20 years. Hell, it might take 50 years. But if we make it illegal to own a handgun, eventually there will be no handguns.
 
I have functional guns from 1872 in my collection.  In the UK, criminals convert dummy and airsoft guns to fire bullets.  Once again, the gun freak (you), opens his ignorant yap about a subject without doing the faintest modicum of research. That's probably why you're in "reporting," the Special Olympics of writing. Real writers have to do research.
 
Let the hunters keep their rifles and shotguns; those weapons are ineffective tools in a mass shooting.

BWUAHAHAHAAHA!  You went full retard.  Never go full retard.
 
Your typical deer rifle has 3 times the muzzle energy of an "assault weapon" (please define what that is for me.  Go ahead) and about 10 times that of a handgun. But they're "ineffective."  Because nothing that can kill a bull elk could be useful for killing people.
 
This is an uphill battle. Despite daily front-page stories of shooting sprees and killings, Americans don't want to give up their guns. Over the past 10 years, the percentage of Americans who support stricter guns laws has dropped from 60 percent to 47 percent. In a recent survey, 73 percent of Americans oppose banning handguns.
 
Yup. You're kinda on the same page as the homophobes and abortion banners.  And the Klan.
 
We're coming for your guns. And someday, we'll take them.
 
Fascinating. So, if I have a gun, and you do not, how precisely do you propose to take it?
 
Oh, one more thing--300 million guns, average value of $500 each. Per that pesky 5th Amendment (which you should have learned about in fifth grade), you have pay for the private property you seize for public purposes.  Now, you'll be buying me a new house, given my collection, but more importantly, you'll be ponying up $150 BILLION dollars or more.  Good luck with that.  

Perhaps you should have studied 5th grade arithmetic, too, if you didn't want to look stupid.
 
Bleat harder, you whining little coward.  You're going to shit your panties on the internet, and that's all.
 
Please continue.  Your dickless rage amuses me.
 
Stop the insanity.  Put this paranoid, delusional, ignorant retard into a home.
 

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So, some guy calls the house, claims to be a Treasury agent, informs Gail our 2010 taxes are not paid, and that we're guilty of yadda yadda and about to be arrested, etc.

Now, we are currently resolving an issue with the IRS over MONEY THEY OWE US.  2009 and 2010 have been resolved, we have received refunds, and letters confirming settlement to mutual satisfaction.

She mentioned this fact, along with "Taxpayer advocate," and the guy hung up on her.

Had she stayed on the line, he was going to demand a prepaid Visa number for some insane amount of money, and repeat until we had nothing left.  And we'd have known as soon as he asked it was a  scam.

Because he hung up before presenting the scam, we weren't entirely sure, until I called back, got some non-English speaker who didn't know the proper terms, referenced some complicated forn number, then insisted on reading (And you are not allowed to interrupt) a lengthy "advisory" about debt, attempt to defraud, in violation of, etc., all scary sounding stuff that CANNOT ACTUALLY exist unless and until there is a trial and conviction.

I called him a scamming piece of shit, insulted his ancestry, penis size, worthlessness as a human being for working for shit wages for criminals, his lack of privilege, etc, then hung up.

But, these people do scam honest and usually poor people out of a lot of money.

So, if you'd like to play, please call 323-786-0626.  They will want your phone number to reference to the "Case number."  But I'm sure if you insist your name is Heywood Jablomi or Mike Hunt or Woodie Pfisterbotham, and you DEFINITELY spoke to Mr Thomas Benson (the name he gave me), can they PLEASE find the file because you don't want to go to jail, that the greedy slimefuckers will find a "case number."  At which point you can start tying them up with fake card numbers, or continue to mock their penis size.

Frankly, I don't know why law enforcement and the phone companies can't just disconnect these scumbags by the fourth complaint.  I'm not sure why they can't run 50Kv through the lines and electrocute the fuckers in the act. Someone flopping on the ground doing the Neutron Dance might have a salutory effect on the attitudes of the others.

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