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Written by Michael Z Williamson

Created: 08 May 2011

This is for everyone who believes Judgment Day is 21 May, 2011.

That day is supposed to be the "Rapture," as described by one "John," hallucinating from malnutrition, bad food and screaming diarrhrea in a Roman Prison (which certainly makes him a reliable witness to things that haven't happened yet), as interpreted by several people, most of whom are illiterate in the Latin, Greek, Aramaic and Hebrew of the original documents of the time.

At least, it is if you believe that, in direct contradiction of scripture:

"But of that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, but My Father only. 

"But as the days of Noah were, so also will the coming of the Son of Man be.  For as in the days before the flood, they were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, until the day that Noah entered the ark, and did not know until the flood came and took them all away, so also will the coming of the Son of Man be" ...

"Watch therefore, for you do not know what hour your Lord is coming, But know this, that if the master of the house had known what hour the thief would come, he would have watched and not allowed his house to be broken into. 

"Therefore, you also be ready, for the Son of Man is coming at an hour you do not expect." Matthew 24:36-44

However, if, in contradiction of that (While believing in the literal truth of it, don't ask me how), you believe that you are possessed of special knowledge as to pending Judgment, I'd like to buy your house.

You're sure you're going to be taken up in this Rapture, so you won't need it.  I'll offer $500, which you can use for a fantastic, all-trimmings meal at any restaurant, or give to some homeless person to make his last hours on this fragile Earth happy, complete to a Bible and sermon of your choice.  It's your money.

In exchange, I wish to take possession of the house that you won't need and won't exist.

I'd like to sign this contract on 17 May, allowing three days for it to become final (per IN law), and you may keep possession until 2359:59 on 21 May.

Midnight of 22 May, I'm showing up for my house (Which will no longer exist due to Judgment Day) (No, I'm not interested in debating Judgment Day vs the later End of the Earth.  The point is, you'll be in heaven and won't need it.)

So pony up.  I've got a cashier's check waiting.

If you won't, then maybe your faith is just a wee bit lacking?

Funny...mine's not.

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Written by Michael Z Williamson

Created: 06 May 2011

http://www.unclehugo.com/prod/ah-williamson-michael.php They just emailed about the signing sheets, so anyone who's been waiting until the last minute, it was 23 minutes ago.

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Written by Michael Z Williamson

Created: 03 May 2011

I DID write about hunting AQ in Pakistan way back in 2005, in "The Scope of Justice." http://www.amazon.com/Scope-Justice-Michael-Z-Williamson/dp/0060565241/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpi_8 Please ignore the hype from the publisher.  It's more sophisticated than they make it out to be.

Granted, I don't think it was much of a surprise to anyone in operations.

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Written by Michael Z Williamson

Created: 02 May 2011

"Okay, Mr President. We have your long form birth certificate, but there's a problem."

"What's that?"

"It's faded, sir.  Badly.  It'll show with forensics exams, but scans are almost invisible."

"Well, we all know it's legit."

"Of COURSE we do, sir."  wink.

"No, no, it's legit.  My father paid a lot of money to have that and my birth announcement made up, in case I ever ran for president and needed them.  They're as legit as Kerry's purple hearts."

"Yes, sir."

"What I mean is, can you just clean up the scan?"

"I'm sure that's not a problem, sir."

LATER:

"Dammit, Carney (why do you have that name?), someone did a crappy job in Photoshop.  Even people who weren't against me are questioning it.  What are these 'artifacts' they talk about?"

"I don't know, sir. We hired some college kid."

"Computers, Carney. You hire high school kids for that kind of work.  How can we fix this?"

"I've got it, sir."

"Yes, Daley?"

"We'll announce that 0sama bin Laden is dead.  Then we'll say he was buried at sea.  No need to document the body.  That way, we draw attention back away from the birther issue, we can create the 'deather' issue, so your opposition looks even more loony."

"That's good. When should we do it?"

"Well, sir, if you wait until tonight at just after 9, we can pre-empt Trump's show and make him look like an impotent dweeb as well."

"Excellent.  Do it."