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I was at the Christmas Party for the Indiana Filmmaker's Network and the state film commission.  And my badges says I'm a military consultant, among other things.

Grizzled Old Fat Guy With Beard:  "What qualifies you to be a military consultant?"

Me:  "Lots of research, and 25 years of service."

GOFGWB:  "What branch?"

Me:  "Army and Air Force."

GOFGWB:  "Oh, I'm sorry."

The following went through my head in .0035 seconds.

Gee, let me guess, you used to be a Marine, right?  One term of service, four years, in a support MOS, during the Cold War, with no trigger time, nor even any time in anywhere remotely hot.  And you never actually did anything with the Air Force, you just want to jerk your dick about how you were once a Marine, trying to recapture the glory that 80 lbs and God knows how much booze has stolen from you.  I mean, I've been downrange twice, in support, and don't make a big deal about it, and cleaned up after a major national disaster, and put in 6 years active and 19 Reserve, including a bunch of extra duty I didn't need to, as well as volunteering for said mobilizations.  I'm Retired Reserve, still subject to recall, and can still meet the physical requirements and pass the PT test for both branches. But you used to be a Marine.  So I guess that shows me.

Two minutes of polite conversation proved I batted 1.000.

Hey, Usetabe:  Fuck you.

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There's an article about gun control that's all the rage on Esquire.com, by one Lieutenant Colonel Robert Bateman, but he says to call him Bob.  Okay, "Bob," is that your name or what you do?

LTC Bob makes a big deal about being a combat arms officer, but discreetly alludes to the fact that it doesn't appear he's ever actually served in combat.  He told someone:

“You may disagree with my analysis, but let us focus on that debate rather than getting into a dick-measuring contest about my qualifications as a US Army Strategist. Unless, of course, you are also closely familiar with Strategists? In which case, I’d be happy to engage in a critique of my functional area, and your belief that you are a better strategist than I am, but then you would have to give me your qualifications as a strategist.”
So, if you want to have a debate about the Second Amendment, I’m hear [sic] to listen and argue. Obviously we both have some pretty strong opinions about the topic.”
“PS~ You don’t need to use my rank. You’re retired and LTC is not exactly such an exalted rank that one needs to stand upon it. “Bob” will do just fine.”

He also is vague on his credentials but demands them from others.  How cute.

And if "Bob" is good enough, why did he use his irrelevant title (likely in violation of the UCMJ) to promote his credibility? Why claim the Infantry status he admits isn't relevant, then switch to being a strategist?  And what would being a strategist matter to the criminal use of small arms?

To clarify:

He's an FA59, which isn't really managing violence. From a 2007 Military Review article:

FA 59 officers execute key institutional and operational core processes, including formulation and implementation of strategy and strategic concepts and policies, and the generation, strategic projection, and operational employment of decisive joint and coalition land combat power.”1
In addition to the common leader competencies discussed in the chief of staff of the army’s “Pentathlete Vision,” FA 59 officers perform four unique functions: strategic appraisal; strategic and operational planning; joint, interagency, intergovernmental, and multinational (JIIM) integration; and strategic education.

He's a buzzword generator, and real warriors pay little attention to that bullshit.  It's makework created by the lefticle desire to make war decent and kind and hearts and minds and such. Real warrior want beans, bullets, bandaids and batteries for the purpose of breaking people and killing things.  Or vice versa.

"Managing violence" my ass.

And if he wants credentials, I do in fact have real world credentials in the use of the M16 (a lot more than he does, with military trophies to show for it), civilian rifles, and consults with clients that include firearm manufacturers who have real government contracts.  So unless he's got some actual credentials in the field, he needs to take his own advice and STFU.

In response to comments and outrage, he called a documented SF soldier a "faker," a former AF Security Policeman who's now a federal agent a "peacetime veteran," and a gay, black 2nd Amendment supporter a "fake persona," because no gay black man could POSSIBLY support gun ownership.  (That person's an acquaintance of mine.  Gay, black, gun owning, conservative, union train engineer.  How awesome is THAT combination?)

In short, he's the textbook example of the small-dicked little limpwrist who joined the military to prove he's not, and hates guns because he does have something to compensate for.  Likely why he's been cuckolded twice and divorced.  He doesn't measure up, literally and emotionally.  Google "psychological projection."

Moving on, then, to his cute theories of gun control, which aren't worth dismantling, because they've been dismantled ad infinitum. It's like the junior high kid who can tell you why physicists are wrong about the speed of light, Creationists who can tell you why physicists, astronomers, geologists, biologists and geneticists are all wrong about the age of the Earth, and the guy who wants to insist there's no racism in America because he lives in an all white town and has never seen any.  It's crap.

However, his legal and historical interpretations are wrong. The Dick Act doesn't say that.  The Militia is defined in Title 10, USC, Ch 13, Sec 311, and isn't what he claims. "Well regulated" had a definition then, and still has a legal definition, and the unorganized militia IS well-regulated.  It doesn't matter what Bob thinks about that process.  He's not in Congress, he's not a SCOTUS Justice, and he's an ignorant little fuck.  I'm quite happy the facts offend him.

Now, apart from violating the Constitution he swore to uphold and defend, this has another problem:  It is retarded.  It's also all crap we've heard before and laughed at. It's like the guy in the parking lot telling you what a badass he is, and how he's going to report you to the cops for taking his space.

That he had to give a lot of thought to this to come up with a retarded solution is not impressive.

Lessee:  You'll pay 200% of "Face value," of all guns in the US.  Awesome. Of course, "face value" is a currency term.  You probably mean "market value."  Cool.  That works out to about $300 billion dollars. Really.  Where is DoD going to get that money?

Oh, first of all, how did we establish DoD as a law enforcement arm?  That seems to violate posse commitatus, AND make the military a domestic branch of the Executive. That's called "fascism," shitweasel.

But let's assume you proceed. A two year window.  I wonder how many guns can be manufactured in that two year window?  And what is their market value?  I'm reasonably well known as a personality.  If I get my 07 FFL, start cranking out single shot .22s and price them at $35K, I only need to sell one to a sponsor to establish that's the market value. If I don't sell any others, I can produce a few ten thousand with backing from my investor, turn in the inventory for $70K per rifle times 10,000, pay my investor 1000% on his investment, and still have enough money to retire to Macau. Me and 30,000 other people with machine tools.  Let me guess: You never studied business, did you?

So, the list of things you suck at includes law, business, and being a military officer.  You're good at throwing tantra, however.  Maybe you should get a job with CAIR or PETA.  They're about your speed.

Seriously, Bob, how the fuck did you get into the military?  I thought incontinence was a bar to service.  I don't think I've ever encountered a bigger pussy, and I first enlisted in the doldrums of the mid 80s and dealt with USAF supply who hated "camping" with the engineers. 

Death threats?  You threaten to ignore the Constitution based on your own retarded misreading, to ignore SCOTUS, threaten military violence against dissenters, and you wonder why you're getting death threats?  Guess what:  That's EXACTLY the purpose of the Second Amendment—so fascistic little shitweasels like yourself can be shot, tossed into a ditch, and anointed with beer, after it takes a short detour through our kidneys.  There are about 100 million gun owners and families.  Want to bet on the odds of one of them shooting you down like a rabid dog?

Count on it, Shitweasel.  This is in fact a death threat:  If you somehow get more than 50 votes (but you won't) and actually become president (you won't), should you order such a chain of events (you can't and won't), and should it actually appear it will come to pass (it won't), I will kill you.  And being some uber-Infantry officer will not save you. Especially as you're not.

~~~

In reality, he's just jealous that my teenage daughter (who was 11 in this picture) is more of a man than he is, has more weapons handling experience, and thinks he's a pussy:

 

Yeah, as a warrior, this guy's a great excuse for a sniveling little bitch. And I don't mind telling him that to his face, if he wants to make an issue of it.

Bob, let me give you some advice:  If you're going to shit your pants, don't do it in public. It's embarrassing to you, and makes the Army look bad.  Have the decency to do it in private.  And don't shame the Rangers, Airborne, Infantry by pretending you're some kind of warrior.  You're a pathetic coward.  That you even became an officer is a disgrace to the Army.

In conclusion, I'm running for Dictator, not President. 

I have a better plank than his: Elect me, and Bob ("Mastur") Bateman will be lashed to a table and raped to death by rabid yaks on Viagra.

My platform only violates the rights of one person, therefore it is morally superior to his.

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For those of you who don't follow me in other media, a couple of updates.

http://michaelzwilliamson.com/bibliography.html my books are here, and can be bought through Amazon and I make a few cents extra through that link, and on anything else you buy on that clickthrough. I appreciate it.  If you prefer electronic editions, BaenEBooks.com is the place to go to get the best price and send me the biggest cut of royalties.  If you'd like a signed edition of something, email me and I'll see what I have in the office.

http://www.sharppointythings.com/knives.html some of my custom knives can be found at this link, email me if you're interested.  I make them intermittently, and they tend to sell fast when I do.

http://www.etsy.com/shop/ActionStudios?ref=ss_profile are my wife's cloaks, well made, great for costuming, and sturdy enough for use in re-enactments.  They last for years.

Enjoy your holiday of choice.

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Okay, so some bunch of whiners has decided to single out WalMart for demanding its employees work on Thanksgiving. THE HORROR!

What's going to happen when you run out of wine, realize you forgot to get any rosemary or need some condensed milk for the pumpkin pie?  You'll want WalMart, or some other store, to be open.

What happens when your roasting pan breaks?

Are they planning to protest the airlines for making their employees work, taking them to see their families?

What about those police and fire departments that selfishly expect their staff to be working, to respond to your dinner brawls and cooking misadventures gone flamey?

When they get food poisoning, do they want the ER doc, interns, nurses and staff to have the day off "to be with their families"?

Perhaps DoD should shut down, vacate the missile solos, and let the ships float freely around the sea for a few days?

Maybe State Dept could tell all our foreign interests, "Sorry, we're not working today.  Holiday!  Stop your fighting and demands."

What about that hotel they're using to visit Grandma and Grandpa. Should it be closed, the desk staff home with their families?  What's wrong with sleeping in a bus stop, or in Grandma's spare room full of used medical devices and creepy stuffed cats?

As for me, I'll be working on the meal, then loading my van, then setting up at a convention, because if I want any money, I have to go out and earn it.  This doesn't bother me.  It's called "life."

  1. Sandy Hook Conspiritards Need a High Five...To The Face...With a Ball Bat.
  2. Europe AAR, with pictures

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