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Greetings, fellow citizens.

You may have noticed most of the country losing their collective minds. Relax.  I'm here to put things right.

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW: Coronavirus is contagious, but presents with no symptoms in the majority of those infected.  Of those presenting, most only experience a cold. At the extreme end, it can cause pneumonia and death.  Complicating factors are: Age, heart conditions, breathing issues (COPD, Asthma), immunocompromise, diabetes.  Basically, if you're old and/or frail, this crap can kill you.

Got that? Good. So, if you are one of those, you should try to sequester yourself as much as possible. Get friends or family to drop off supplies for you. Minimize contact with other people.

WHAT THE STATE IS DOING FOR YOU: For the duration, your employer will not be able to fire you for quarantining yourself. We are encouraging them to pay you if they can afford it, and reducing their tax burden by the amount of your compensation.  If they can't, our agencies stand ready with help for utilities, food, etc. I have appointed a special task force, and if you have no local friends or family, the National Guard will drop off food and supplies to you.

IF YOU ARE NOT AT SIGNIFICANT RISK: Wash your damned hands. Don't shake hands. Don't breathe or sneeze on people. Seriously, didn't you learn all this in kindergarten?  Try to keep some distance.

DON'T PANIC:  If you see a bunch of people having fun at a park, relax.  There is no way you can get infected at a distance based on their cheerfulness. Just avoid them and you'll be fine.

EVENTS: We will do our damndest not to cancel any public events, because the hospitality industry runs on narrow margins and employs a lot of people. We'll use a lot of bleach and scrubbing between events, with extras borrowed, if necessary, from the National Guard.  It may surprise you, but military people are really freaking good at detail oriented cleaning. It's almost as if they get specific training in it. 

IF CLOSURES BECOMES NECESSARY, WE WILL STAGE ACCORDINGLY: Three weeks ahead, events will be advised of potential shutdowns so they can either cancel preparations by choice, or tell their attendees to stand by.  Two weeks ahead, the event will be cancelled so travel, transport, and other preparations are not wasted. We're not shutting down months of events based on a vague, undefined threat.

SOME OTHER STATES ARE COMPLETELY FLIPPING THEIR LIDS and trying to end civilization with complete lockdowns. This isn't 1346 and this isn't the Black Plague.  Take a deep breath and wash your hands again.

SUPPLIES:  You do not need 50 extra rolls of bogwipe, nor a pallet of water--the water from your faucet is perfectly safe, can be settled or boiled, and plenty of filters exist.  You don't need 400 lbs of meat, either.  God gave you a brain. Use it. Make a list of consumables, try to get two weeks' worth (Why didn't you already?) and stand by. This will all be over soon.

VIRUSES ARE NOT TO BE TAKEN LIGHTLY, but we experience literally thousands of them in our lifetimes. Be cautious, be careful, and remain calm.

 

Signed: The gov

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What about a top-rated expert in allergy and asthma?

What about my doctor, Dr Garrick Hubbard, who has brought my lung function back to almost 100% of what it was before I deployed, and reduced my acquired environmental allergies by about 90%?

Sounds like he's pretty knowledgeable about these things, right?

So today, when Jess and I went for our recurring treatment, rather than a waiting area for people who are absolutely "At risk," we went straight into a treatment room and waited there for the standard 30 minutes after our shots.

And then we left through the lobby and doors as we always do.

Non-treatment patients (those just being tested) waited in the waiting area, the way they normally do.

No freakouts, no shutdowns, no "only one person can enter at a time" like some alleged doctors are doing. No "rescheduling" of immunizations at pediatricians.  Just a slight bit more social distancing, for ACTUAL AT RISK PATIENTS.

Be like Dr Hubbard.

 

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A paraphrase of Pournelle's Iron Law of Bureaucracy is that bureaucrats will ALWAYS go to far.

We started with "two weeks of restricted events." Tough, but bearable, and a good idea. I supported this.  It was a personal bite to me on my part time gig--a show was shut down literally as I arrived to load in. Okay.  Let's do this.  Then a bigger one had to postpone because they're 1 day into the existing timeframe, no exceptions, no "let's see if that's enough by next week."

Then the states got into a "We're more quarantine than you!" war.

Blah, blah, the CDC.  Per them, no woman of child bearing years should EVER even look at a bottle of liquor, no two people should ever kiss without a doctor's exam first, and we should all live in plastic bubbles.  There's hypothetical perfection, and then there's reality, which has kids playing in mud and licking slides others have slid down.

Instead, we have schools closed, possibly for the year.  Gyms closed. All public events shut down. No, wait, maybe no more than TEN people at a time is better.  No sports.  No spring break. No parks!
So what are all these out of school kids supposed to do?  Who stays home to watch them if (we're lucky, most aren't) people can't work from home?

Now the goddamned pediatricians are saying well, we can't give your kids their immunizations because of disease. We'll have to "Reschedule."  Are you TRYING to give the anti-vaxxtards ammo?  Because THIS is how you give the anti-vaxxtards ammo.

The OB-GYN said they can only see single patients without their infants along, figure it out somehow.

Um...why are senior citizens going to pediatricians and OB-GYNs? If they're not, then why not advise the elderly that you're going to be out in public, so Grandma shouldn't visit this month. If you live in an area where it's been an issue.

"This bug kills old people!" Yes, and others at risk. Like me. Who should stay home.

"But people will die!"  Jesus, that sounds like Liz "Psychogawea" Warren.

This is literally creating the End of Western Civilization As We Know It over a fucking bug.

"But people will die!"

Then they fucking die.  There's a cost benefit analysis here.  After enough lost revenue, wages, activities, people stop giving a shit.  If they die, they die. Most of them are urbanites anyway, smug in their myth of "efficiency."  They can fucking die efficiently, and be efficiently processed into dump trucks.  You may have heard this motto if you hang around rural folk for a bit:  Five million fewer urbanites is five million fewer urbanites.

And again, those of us who are susceptible should be minimizing contact anyway.  You cannot develop herd immunity for the rest by not having herds. We'll come back to that.

Some shithead on Medium (so called because it is neither rare nor well done) lamented we may "never" beat...an upper respiratory infection.  Like the 10 million strains of URIs we already have, many of which are... (CUE DRAMATIC MUSIC!)--coronavirii, of different strains. This one is already mutating into subcultures.  Which still have more "culture" than your typical city.

And guess what?

Everyone is going to the fucking store. In herds.

BTW, around here, the pussification of yuppies meant they'd cleared out the lowfat and no fat and soy "milk," but left the real whole milk. Please don't tell them that diluting it 50% with water will create their preferred tasteless, nutritionless white drink.

Then, restaurants are still doing delivery...which means the same Uber driver stop at 5 restaurants and 5 houses 3 times a night, along with 12 other Uber drivers, and a hundred random pickups.  This is like avoiding VD by skipping the fetish club and only going to singles bars. It's a fuck-all security theater move.  We call this "Wetting your pants in a dark suit."  It gives you a warm feeling, but nobody notices, and then you realize you're the one suffering.

It is time to mobilize to beat this.  Call your mayor, call your governor, call your president, tell them to stop being a huge pussy, to go fuck themselves, and then get on with the real world.

Oh, and Trump? Yeah, if you could stop being a massive faggot, that would be just great.  Tell the CDC to STFU, Americans have a world to run.

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EDIT: Thanks. I'm sending a check for $1600 and change as soon as the paypal funds hit my bank.  Any donations still inbound are going to a friend who's beyond destitute. I'll take that up later.  If you haven't sent money on this, please hold off or give it to someone else in need.

EDIT: The gentleman was overwhelmed.  I'm glad we could turn his horrible weekend around the next weekend. Thanks to all.

~~~

I try to avoid publicizing my own charity, because I feel it cheapens the act to boast of it.  Well, I'm not boasting here. I'm asking for a little assistance.

 

Here's the person and the event:

Last week, my family and I were in Florida for research, including a SpaceX launch (SF writer here. Of course that's research).

Between the site tour and the launch, we had a couple of hours, but not enough to go back to the hotel. We (two families) took all the kids to a McDonald's Playplace to burn off steam.

While we're seated, a man and his son came in. The gentlemen displayed symptoms of frustration, possibly of Tourette's, and struggled with the order kiosk, with some repeat gestures and tics.  His son tried to help him order, and eventually an employee came over. It seems it was frustration in not finding his favorite meal, which had been discontinued.  Note that he was quiet and non-aggressive, just internally frustrated.

They get food, they sit across from us, and a few minutes later, a police officer shows up. Someone had called about "Signs of distress."  The officer was very professional, checked his ID, and the man was entirely lucid and clear during the process.  That done, officer leaves.  Well and good.

Obviously, having your stressful evening aggravated by a police call is even more stressful.  He had a family member show up, I presume his brother, and they took turns going outside to smoke, and spending time with the boy, about 10, who didn't seem at all troubled by his adults, but bothered by the attention they were getting.

For a couple of minutes, the boy was alone while the adults were smoking and taking a bathroom break, and that's when this humorless, middle-aged busybody, the kind who likes intruding in people's lives, comes over with staff to point out the "abandoned boy" and how they should "Call child services."

We made sure the staff were aware the adults were on the premises, and they encouraged her back to her seat and to mind her own damned business. How dare anyone who doesn't fit the middle class stereotype be in her presence!

I should note there was a pile of food on the table with the young man, though he didn't have much of an appetite by this point.

So here's the kicker: Jess had taken Alex out to the car to nurse, and calls to ask if I still have my cash, because some teens outside were bragging about "finding" $200 in the bathroom.

Yup, I have my cash, but guess who'd just been in the bathroom? That's right. The gentleman everyone was obsessing over, who'd just left, picking up his son for a big cuddle on the way out. Adding insult to injury, he dropped the boy's ice cream cone from a physical tremor.

I go to the bathroom and strategically placed on the trash can is his wallet, containing his ID and a bunch of pictures of the boy. And no cash. I guess the punks "found" the $200 in his wallet.

I handed the wallet to the manager as we left. 

So after the fact, I contacted the local police and they helped me get contact info with the man's family. Yes, he was a local handyman, and had just finished some work and been paid cash.

Well, I'm about to send $250 to this guy the universe decided to take a dump on last Friday. If anyone reading this today would like to chip in, I'll send that, too.

 

  1. COVID19: This Is Why You're All Going To Die
  2. Cancelled Show

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